We’re bringing in the new year with some wacky predictions.
Americans’ insatiable appetite for reality television, competitions where they can choose a winner by tweeting, and nipple slip controversies will lead to our Dancing with the Stars being more like Argentina’s Dancing with the Stars. NSFW!
Earthworms will replace foxes and owls as the trendy animals of the year, so Etsy’s frontpage will be filled with slimy grimy creatures every single day.
Tiny pies on sticks will become more popular than cupcakes and cake pops, and I’ll become the fattest person in the world because I love pie! Naturally, I’ll become a judge on TINY PIE WARS, a new show to premiere on the Food Network. Sorry, Hexbeat! I’ll try to give you an interview after I get famous.
Someone will take over the lease on the building that houses the Hi Tone Cafe after the Memphis venue/restaurant vacates in February. Instead of pizza the new owners will serve amazing tacos, and they’ll leave more lights on when the bands play so all the photographers will be overjoyed.
Employers will start adding “YOLO” to Google searches to eliminate job candidates.
The Mummies will go on a short tour and play Fayetteville, AR.
All of my friends will realize they really actually do love karaoke.
I will finally start to write my Definitive Guide to Gas Station Food in the US.
Instead of the 80s, our fashion trend updates will come from Before Christ and be worn ironically by our parents.
Alien life will contact Earth, looking for directions to Pluto. Pluto will prove itself once and for all.
More people will find and love and fame Kitty Pryde and I will lose any chance to be her bottom bitch.
Is it too early to predict the best album of 2013? I’m predicting Black Bug’s Reflecting The Light LP to be released early next year on Hozac/Eighteen Records as the year’s best.
I’ll also boldly predict now that Dick Clark is dead we will all have to endure Ryan Seacrest or Carson Daly dropping the ball (figuratively and literally) every New Years for the next 50 years.